u&me

i toss n turn..i cant sleep tonight its raining outside...opened my window sills n watched the rain pitter patter pitter patter it ws dancing.....a rain dance?

the whole world is going beserk
xploring their dreamz with love&passion twinkling in their eyes
and here i am locked in this room
chained somewhere to the darkness


the book i ws reading ...
tried to get back to my reading darn!
i cant do it now...
the letters r dancing
the emotionz flying
the creeps popping out
the prince charming ran way!
from me?

switched on the tv browsed through the channels the same old story... gosh! movies.cliche movies... again tat uptown gurl fell in love ..with that same old romeo ,they fell in love, they kissed, they dreamed... and the tragedy... !i cant deal with this anymore switched it off
boring hw boring

coffee will do some help?
made some coffee with xtra sugar
sipped it ughhhhhh...its horrible!
now i am going "ughh" with my coffee? wats wrong wid me?


wats tat i am missing now?
i knw what it is... the sleep the rain the loneliness the books the movies the coffee its not really not about all this.... its more than that... the inxplicable that something
the pretentious desperedo thats troubling me
that supercilious moron who chases me in every dream
go away all.....

came back to my bed ...closed my eyes, pretended like i fell asleep, tried to sleep... not working !

then i heard the 'knock'
i ran up to the door
unlocked it
i saw 'him'
drenched in that pouring rain
water dripping down
shivering
but trying to keep himself warm by rubbing his hands against his cheeks
his dark shiny hair all wet
yes,with that refreshing smile of him
'wanted to tell u something!' i was like 'go on baby' but words dint come out it was like i got paralysed n got numb n only my vision is in working state.... i just nodded so he started
"i was trying to get some sleep but i cant
i was looking at this rain, i saw u
i tried to read something,then i saw that creep chasing u
i switched on the movie, again u kept coming to me
i tried coffee,our favorite, even its not working
n i really know wats tat i am missing
n i came here for u,just to say......
before he cud utter anything,i went near him hugged him closer to me, he came down to me his lips near my ears n he began to whisper something... again i interrupted... "hushhhhhhhhhh" then i said
"okay u prince charming watch my lips"i winked at him and pushed him away...he gave me that naughty smile he looked and i said
"i love you...."
he came close to me closer n closer...hugged me kissed me ... ! ablaze!!
and now i know what was missing...even he knows...!
and then it was raining
and i heard it..... pitter patter.....!!!

~dreamy eyes~

"my eyes could see that your love for me is fading somewhere....!

you could leave me behind but not my love...

it will haunt you sometime...

when you r weak ...

and in that moment you may be able to define love as my eyes!

but then i would be a memory for you

i defined the unrequited love for you as my eyes

with all the dreams ,its YOU who made my eyes so dreamy

the dreamy eyes that i am...!!!"

HE....!

"withering off untouched

a deeper meaning to my love..."
every evening we used to talk...how we became this close...?noone knows !not even me...!but his presence made me happy...his smell ,his touch, tat deep voice was my deepest concern ever...!

we watched the sunset together we painted those dreamz together ,the pain in his voice troubled me...!

the pain that he never told me....the pain which i saw beyond his smiling face...but i never asked him,he never told me.....!

when the decision was to leave, i dint stop..!

i knew he was my imagination...

a dream tat only i cud see....

HE the mirage i saw when i stopped dreaming...!

walking away from my dreamz

to the sunrise ...are u?

:)

the silence must be heard

the feeling should be touched

the love should be felt

the pain should hurt

there is dreamyeyes behind everyone

its not so plain

its so full of pain

my storm s resting

the unspoken hurt

the untold love

when love and hate collide

yea u r losing it

i m nobody's fool

i cud burn my existence like this??

its nice... is this burning sensation!!!

eyes says it all....still it can conceal everything....make up adds beauty but its deceiving ME!!!

take me for a walk!!!

Gonna write about a special person…my grand father!!!….he is no more…he is the one whom I miss the most…today I must write about him…!When I was in school I used to wait for those holidays…during those holidays I used to go to my mom’s place…a break from all my tensions…I loved that place…there I cud talk talk n talk..but most of the time I will be fighting with grandmom…as she will be there pestering me telling like ‘look at ur hair!no oil at all ,its brown now…take a shower…I will oil ur hair’ and eat tat eat this ,look how skinny u are and all tat stuffs…I will be running like anything from her…n from her its my grandpa who helps me out !!!When grandma goes violent at me I will run to grandpa & he will take me for a WALK…A WALK thru those roads…on both sides of the road there were these green fields with cows,small pools n I really loved those breeze which blows n caresses me...everything in there were so full of love... …and I will walk with him ho;ding his hands enjoying the beauty and I always knew like, am safe with him …while we walk he will be talking to the neighbours & his frndz when he introduces me to them I will just pass some kinda 'innocent' looking smiles …& again I will walk holding his hands…."the most happiest days in my life"…u know walking thru those roads with my apoo(grandpa) happy will be me!!!…after a looong walk I will get exhausted, then he will take me to his frnd’s shop n will buy me lime juice…isspesual ! it will be with more sugar …'extra sugar cold lime juice'…after that apoo will ask me to select any BISCUIT I like… I will look thru those glass windows with much eagerness for tat MILKBIKIS and when I will get tat to my hands I will get tat weird feeling like yeah ,I hv conquered this world(lol I dunno y but I always felt it tat way!)and we will continue tat walk…with me munching those biscuits all way back home…I really cant express wat all tat meant to me… those walks those biscuits(lol)…and tat hold n his tat presence !!!I always had somewhere to go n tat SOMEONE other than my dad to whom I cud demand all my needs…anyways it’s the past n everything has changed..sometimes I will wish for this walk hmmmm n I know its all past n its not gonna happen again…I miss him a lot…Lost my good old days…n tat place have changd a lot now…TECNOPARK changed tat place a lot…now those shops where we used to go dun even exist…there its now the internet café’s, bakery’s, hotel’s n all tat stufss n the look has changed a lot…and where is tat place I used to go…its ‘nowhere’ now…n I am left with those memories atleast!!! n now WHO will take me for those walks????

trying to figure out where i am ....

now i cldn't touch anything.....

the distances hv a lots of pronounciations now...

this is the wall which separates me....

my dreams n feelings surrendered here ...

left alone wid these haunting sensations ...

hurt sometimes but happy somewhere ...

when u can add color to my thinking...

i never knew this is the love u had on me....

desperate when i accepts the fact ....

'never mine but u r never far never outta my reach

i cant pretend like its the past...

cos those r the moments i lived for ,the moments i won.........

i hate it when someone says goodbye to me..

but what to do ....!!!!!

"GOODBYES R REALLY FOREVER!!!"

:)

i heard this song...liked it...searched for the video and here it is :)so good to hear this...its making me go all sloppy naughty happy n all that ...


FIDELITY.. ((((regina spektor)))
"I never loved nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting my heart truly
I got lost in the sounds
I hear in my mind
All these voices
I hear in my mind all these words
I hear in my mind all this music
And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
It breaks my heart
And suppose
I never met you
Suppose we never fell in love
Suppose I never ever let you kiss me so sweet and so soft
Suppose I never ever saw you
Suppose we never ever called
Suppose I kept on singing love songs just to break my own fall
Just to break my fall
Just to break my fall
Break my fall
Break my fall
All my friends say that of course its gonna get better
Gonna get better
Better better better better Better better better
I never love nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting by heart truly
I got lost In the sounds
I hear in my mind
All these voices
I hear in my mind all these words
I hear in my mind All this music
And it breaks my heart
It breaks my heart
Breaks my Heart
Breaks my heart......"

verdict

(~FiCtIoN~)

It was raining ,the monsoon rain and I got stuck in a traffic block….i looked for the traffic signals….variegated memories came surpassing in me….undercurrents of my mind!….am I ignoring someone? Am I happy or is it like am pretending…a mask of fakeness,fake happiness….!!!

I reached the railway station…yeah !as usual the train is late….i sat on the bench, waiting for my dad to arrive…. ….now its time for me to take a decision !!!…and I sat there….for a verdict….a verdict of lifetime!!!though I smile d…I was thinking..n I am miserable n I am hurt….

I looked no where,but my thoughts somewhere….!all unfortunate events…all past came to me….when we r alone, the memories will haunt us….its still raining…!!!

The sound of the roaring train arriving at the other platform…brought me back from the thoughts…I watched the passengers getting down.. with huge luggages n all..i stood up n started walking…looked at the darkness beyond those rails….i cud hear train announcements ….the smell of coffee made me nostalgic…peeped at the restrooms for familiar faces…

Today I cud feel ‘a presence’….is it just a feeling?or is it a clairvoyance?As a desperate attempt …started looking around….my eyes stuck nowhere……but at that figure!!!my senses wud never go wrong…I looked at tat figure again n again…at tat startling moment his name came outta my lips…its all automatic…seeing him after 1 year….am I longing for something?he is still standing there…he lit up a cigaratte…I cant see his face…but I knew… its him…even the slightest feel of him …yeah I cud recognize it….did he see me?he recognized me?felt like he is looking at me…..not near me…yeah a cloudy screen btw us this time…I felt I cudnt move my feet…like am glued to the ground…

He started walking…I watched him…yea its him…MY LOVE…the face of whom I looked n looked n looked…those hands were the one which I held for hours close to me…the hands which held me always close to him…the looks of his eyes which gave me all tat assurance n his smile!!ya… its he he and he…the face tat I cant ever forget…He started climbing the stairs of the flyover…in a frantic effort I ran to the stairs n I waited there for him at the other side of flyover…I watched him walk I watched him climb down the stairs…. for me each step felt like the memories I ditched somewhere,his love tat I left for someother’s happiness, that loving soul and am I still trying to forget this person?I m really gonna leave this person n marry some other?NO!he s the one I loved! I dun wanna make anyone happy…n now I need MY HAPPINESS back…I need MY REASON TO SMILE back….but its me… who left him…who ignored him…I left my love for my family?I hv hurt him…but can I ever smile without him…its 1 year since I left him…he hates me?a drop of tear fell down my cheek…

Now he is near me…I looked at him…but he didn’t look at me..he climbed down n walked past me…like some STRANGER!!…I just called out his name…he JUST stopped but he didn’t turn back…continued walking …called out his name again n again but he walked away and I didn’t get tat strength to run …I felt weak ,stumbled and I am clumsy …now I cud cry…I got the rite verdict…I made a very wrong decision & my love wore tat hood of a STRANGER….rite verdict for IGNORING my love…but y he didn’t stop?y he didn’t turn back?y?y?y?….he hates me? or some other girl took my place?

I just walked in tthrough tat rain aimlessly…..

For the one whom I loved more than me….still i love u!!

RAIN

it was a rainy day....i was on my way home from my college... ...i just felt some kinda madness....yeah i wanna drench in this rain....i was walking thru tat road holding an umbrella....wid some kinda special 'rainy emotion' (i dunno wat i m saying)i stood there wid eyes closed ....i felt those cool breeze, caressing me all over n those cool rain drops ....i looked around holding my umbrella aside ....then i thought 'i dun need this umbrella now'...i just folded my umbrella .....and i started walking in tat rain.... i just stood there feeling that rain with every drop falling over me making me shiver making me happy making me so DREAMY... wid my hands wide open n eyes closed i stood there....cooool....sensual...romantic...and i cud feel the rain drops dripping down....i just moved my hands near my face n just rubbed my face .. opened my eyes n i saw the rain..in tat blurred view i saw her..the most beautiful emotion of the nature...enjoyed her beauty ..but as the downpour increased it started pricking me n kinda hurt me...n that hurt made me conscious abt the surroundings and tats when i heard the horns of vehicles passing by n drivers calling me all sorts...'r u mad?move aside' ooopsssss !!! .....i just smiled at them....n again started walking ....got drenched like anything ...walked back home dancing in that rain....yea i enjoyed tat rain...but next day i fell ill...got nice scolding from grandmom..hehe n i gave her a kiss n adviced her tat she shud also try these kinda madness.......i just luv the rain....!!!

to u with love!

In crowded corridors

in deserted libraries

my eyes were looking for someone like u

every place i went

i checked if there was someone like u

and then we met

after that i started realising

that u were never mine

i faced the truth that

someone like u will never have time for

someone like me

i got lost in a crowd

and i was pushed away away from u

still

in every crowd

in every dreamy eyes

in every smile

i tried to find u

never far and never lost

u were there

but away from me

sometimes its our fate

to be away from ur love

to get confused in your love

but i do believe in dreams

and i know

u will come to me

till that day lemme dream

with my dreamy eyes!!!

black beauty

beauty in its words
beauty the other names of
love
compassion
friendship
youth
care
affection
lust
sex
defining the synonyms
when i think its beautiful
u may disagree
coz beauty lies in the eyes of beholder
cant ever redefine the beauty sense
beauty is so feminine
sensual n sharp
for me beauty is my grief
beauty is eyes
beauty is the truth within u
beauty is innocence
beauty is words
the way u touches my heart tats beauty
this darkness is a beauty
the nothingness in me talking
y i am talking about beauty
coz i admire the beauty the way it is!!